Daily reminders to do the work

I ended up letting my feelings get deeply hurt. I made a choice that led me to a series of events, the final outcome of which was that I was returned, on an emotional level, to when I was a kid and getting pelted with snowballs for being stupid and useless.

I've been struggling lately with self worth, trying and not succeeding, to regain some of it. This incident reminds me that everyone in your life is your mirror. If you look into that mirror and see someone who believes you to be unworthy, who believes you to be without value, then that is your own thought process.

This has brought up so many feelings for me. Inadequacy, fear, shame and humiliation, alienation, loneliness, unworthiness... and of course, these are MY feelings for which I must take responsibility.

Here I sit, though... prefering to do the dishes than to face my own feelings. I would rather vacuum clean floors, eat myself into a stupor (and I'm not an eater), clean the catbox again, and wash clean laundry... than face my feelings.

I am plainly overwhelmed. I am also shocked by the fact that one incident could bring so much up for me. Indeed, the problem is that I felt I was among friends one moment, and then among enemies the next. Yet every part of me knows that this is just my own mirror reflecting back at me.

They remain the same beautiful and magnificent people as they have always been. I have no judgment towards them at all. A thing that surprises me, but also delights me. Because in the past I would have held blame towards "the mirror," but I hold none this time. It is foolish to blame the mirror when the goofy hat is on your head and not in the mirror.

It was, however, the reminder I needed that my sense of unworthiness still exists very strongly. It is also a reminder to come back into my life. That I had allowed my thoughts to become lost in one particular aspect of my life. That the balance was gone. So I have chosen to eliminate the possibility of engrossing myself in that addictive aspect again.

I would like to say that I feel freer now, but really, I feel very sad. I have gotten past the tears and the sorrow, though. I am deeply grateful for that. EFT works, when you do the work. The Work works, when you do the work. I had let myself wander away, and I have given myself the wakeup call to return.

I appreciate the messengers, despite the pain of the message brought. Pain is the catalyst for me to change, to growth. It is, as Byron Katie (author of the Work) says, "[what] tells you that your thinking is contradicting reality."